Mobile Face-Chat is the End of Male Independence

(An alternate version of this article can be read at The Bachelor Bible.)

It’s no secret that the integration of face-to-face chatting into our society on programs such as Skype has been a huge success. Now that this form of communication has been making its way onto phones, it is becoming easier to use than ever. We've all seen the commercials. Wives can show sonograms to faraway husbands. Friends can see each others' new clothes. Hell, now it’s even easier for Brett Favre to expose his penis to unsuspecting women over the phone (alright, this isn't a commercial...yet). But just like anything else that ostensibly seems good, it will always end up being used for evil. I won’t even get into how parents now have to fear for their young daughters showing real-time videos of their growing boobies to strange boys during bathroom breaks of their sixth-grade earth science class. 

What I’m talking about here is how women in relationships will begin to exploit this feature to keep their boyfriends and husbands on lock down. As is stands now, most of these apps, such as the iPhone's FaceTime, can only be used where WiFi is available. But as devices like the HTC Evo 4G has proven, technology is advancing enough where, in the not too distant future, most people will have the capability of face-chatting anywhere. So by now, you might be wondering what exactly this has to do with the end of male independence.

Well, this means that for men who just want to get out of the house and do guy-stuff, they will no longer have an answer for the “Where the hell are you?!” text message that they inevitably receive when they are expected to be home. Because whatever excuse is given, the reply will always be simple: “show me.” A guy can only use the no service or dead battery excuse for about a week before suspicion arises. A picture message is no good, because there’s no proof that it is real-time. And "my phone broke" isn't exactly going to cut it. There will be no logical response for the guy, and he’ll be screwed.

Sure, the good part of this is that it is going to make things a lot tougher for cheaters (I don’t think a guy will be able to convincingly video-chat from a cheap motel room). But it’s also the end of “I have to stay late at work” actually meaning “I’m going to grab a few drinks with the guys,” and that never really hurt anyone, did it? We all remember the classic Seinfeld line, “You’re killing independent George.” Now replace the word “George” with “men”. That’s what’s going to happen here.

There are plenty of ladies that will be affected from this by overbearing men as well. But, and in an attempt to not sound chauvinistic, it's true that this has more of a social impact on guys. In fact, I’ve already said too much for fear of a woman getting ideas by reading this. Let's just face it: the era of men in relationships getting away with harmless fun is about to be over. When the revolution arises, don't say that you haven't been warned.